This past month we have been in Brené Brown’s words, rumbling with shame. Via podcast, blog, one on one coaching and webinar. In the hallway, the bedroom, the office and the kitchen. In the depths of my own brain and soul. If you have come along for the ride, we are stronger after each rumble. Neurons fire together to support us to a newly learned response.
Which brings me to the other side of shame most of the time.
Shame is a feeling we may have to entertain throughout life. I identify and name the physical manifestations in my body that I call “shame”. A pounding in the head, heart racing, a throat that tightens and a shortness of breath. There is the warm flush and a sense of doom. That’s what happens to me when I notice shame. What happens to you?
Did you know, naming shame takes away its power? Did you know the rumble is for practicing? The rumble is for learning.
When something small happens, perhaps I spoke too boldly, gave an opinion that wasn’t shared by those in the room – the physical mask of “shame” comes over me. If I’m awake, strategies engage, neurons fire – awareness, writing, deep breathing, meditation, calling a friend, a coach. After a while the sensation releases me like a rogue wave disappearing back into the ocean. I can breathe easy.
Now what am I left with? There is an open space – empty and still in shadow – like the upper floor of a huge skyscraper just built, walls and ceilings exist, so much empty space with massive echoes. There is no beauty yet. There is only emptiness and an invitation to, “What is next?” I can conjure up some negative thoughts (a pattern that has been worn into my brain) or I can take those tiny steps to reengineer my thoughts. Ask, what do I want to feel? What is it I want to accomplish and what mindset will take me there? I can take responsibility for the next step.
The thing is, the next step is not always known. It isn’t clear. Yet, connecting to myself, restoring the relationship to my inner being, gives me a sense of wellbeing, despite not knowing.
Like a walk deep in the woods, we may scrape our knees, scratch our exposed arms and ankles, yet when we look around and take in the beauty, smell the earth and even look to the sky we breathe in life. Even if we can’t see the destination we can simply trust.
Simply, life lived without internal conflict. Ahhhhh. When I can glimpse, even for a moment, the relief of choosing a different inner life – one more congruent with my desire for love, for generosity, for peace and for the power to act – joy rises.
I feel a movement in my body. It may be belting out an old song brought to mind by a random phrase. It may be a skip or a reach with a stretch of my body. Feeling myself in my very own body. Being with my mind and considering my soul. Whoop de do!
I practice welcoming every thought. Accept an invitation to celebrate my humanity and love yours. From my thin silver hair, to the last cherry tomatoes hanging on the scraggly vine.
My daughter’s weaving on the wall calls me to smile and I feel a warm ball of energy and movement inviting me to awaken to it. To this moment. What is there to do in this moment? Can you stop and breathe? Can you have a kind, forgiving thought?
The vacuum left by shamelessness slowly fills with promise.
More opportunities to Rumble with Shame
If you didn’t catch the Healing Shame webinar, I will be doing it again in early November. Keep your eyes out and I will announce it in my newsletter. (Sign up here on the right hand side of the home page of www.beauprecoaching.com)
Pick up my How to Change Your Past – A Healing Path from the Shame of your Past – Worksheet and three video teaching series by clicking here. Let’s name it and shed light on the darkness where shame hides.
Saturday, October 8, 2016 in Benicia, CA at 10am. I will NOT be talking about shame. Presenting small changes BIG IMPACT, how to manage your mind, create a beautiful life and stay sane as part of the Flying in Formation Workshop Series.
I will be teaching from the 12 Stages of the Magical Mind Management System. Go here to learn more www.flyinginformation.org